


Once... Twice... I Lost Count

by NicoDiAngeloLover7



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU Groundhog trope, Day repeating, Final Battle, Harry Potter Rare Pair Bingo: Round 2, Harry and Terence are 3 years apart, Horcruxes, M/M, Mentions of graphic violence, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25613326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoDiAngeloLover7/pseuds/NicoDiAngeloLover7
Summary: The final battle kept repeating over and over again. Harry didn't know how much more his heart could take.Written for the Rare Pair Bingo Fest. Prompt was: AU Groundhog. I don't own anything, all rights go to J.K. Rowling.
Relationships: Terence Higgs/Harry Potter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 105
Collections: Harry Potter Rare Pair Bingo: Round Two!





	Once... Twice... I Lost Count

**Once… Twice… I Lost Count**

Harry had wished he had fought harder on convincing Terence. He had tears streaming down his face as he clutched his motionless body. He refused to let go of him, not even when Crabbe had set Fiendfyre to the Room of Requirement. There were traces of blood and dirt in his hair.

Part of the cursed fire did catch him, so there were some burns on him. But he refused to move from where he was. They had made it safely outside the Room of Requirement, away from the Fiendfyre.

It had all started when Harry had told them about figuring out that one of the horcruxes was in the Room of Requirement. So, naturally all three of them wanted to come with. Though Harry had a bad feeling about it and tried to persuade for Terence to wait for him. That he would find him later.

Terence had refused, he had not parted from him when they were on the hunt for Horcruxes and he wasn't about to start now. That if there indeed was going to be a battle, he would stay fighting beside Harry.

Harry had let the fight die there, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks. It was a bit scary that Terence still had that effect on him, despite being with him for a few years. Though deep down, he knew he wouldn't want to fight alongside anyone else. Unless your names were Hermione and Ron. But they were his best friends. Terence was different.

Hermione and Ron had been silent about the entire thing. It wasn't often that they saw their best friend breakdown in front of them. But for the most part, they hadn't expected to see a Slytherin take a killing curse for them. They definitely didn't expect it. They had even witnessed the arguing between Terence and Harry right beforehand.

"Harry," Hermione spoke softly. "As insensitive as this may sound. We need to finish this, if we don't, he would have died in vain."

Harry acted like he barely heard her. He brushed a hand through Terence's hair, knowing that this would be the last time he would be able to do so again. Which managed to create another wave of tears to fall.

"Harry?" she called. "Harry!?"

Hermione watched as Harry literally picked up Terence and headed back into the Room of Requirement. Only this time, she didn't see any of the flames like before. Did Harry think of another room that he would be safe in? She couldn't blame him, though her fears were slightly calmed. She knew if that was her, there wasn't any way she'd leave them in open view.

It could have been five or ten minutes by the time Harry came back out. His eyes were even redder and was trying to brush away the stray tears with his sleeve. She felt horrible for saying what she did, but it was that or be dead with Terence. And where would that have gotten them? Nowhere and the war would have been for nothing.

As the hours went on, Hermione realized that Harry became more and more despondent. Her heart sank, how much was Terence's death affecting him? Yet somehow, she knew that once he headed out towards that forest, he wasn't coming back. There had been no point for her words back at the Room of Requirement, the war had already been lost.

* * *

The moment Harry opened his eyes, he knew something was wrong. For one, he wasn't dead. Wasn't that what he wanted? To finally be joined with his parents, Sirius, Remus, and Terence.

He blinked, once, twice, thrice. Yet nothing had changed.

They were still in the same place when they had escaped from Gringotts. But didn't this happen yesterday? Was he dreaming? There he saw Terence, sound asleep. If Harry wasn't already on the ground, he would have fallen over. How was this possible?

He pinched himself, hard. Nope, definitely not a dream. And Terence was still sleeping. His chest was moving and breathing slow. He could feel the tears near the back of his eyes. He wasn't dead… he wasn't dead…

Harry felt himself moving slowly over towards Terence, which wasn't that far. They had the habit of sleeping near each other.

Terence's eyes fluttered open when he felt another pair of lips. He could feel a smile peeking through.

"That's a nice way to wake up, something on your mind?"

The kiss had been a test to make sure Harry's mind wasn't playing tricks on him. But he didn't know how to respond. Was this something like Hermione's time-turner? It couldn't be, they were all destroyed two years ago. But something about it was making him stay silent.

"Just a bad feeling, is all," Harry managed.

Terence's eyebrows scrunched together.

He didn't have a chance to respond because Hermione started speaking.

"I don't like the feeling of this, Harry," she then took a deep breath. "But let's get this over with."

* * *

Harry felt a sense of déjà vu as they apparated to Hogsmeade for what felt like the fourth or fifth time. The Caterwauling Charm had been set off as they hid once more at the Hogs Head.

It almost felt like he was just going through the motions. He watched idly as Hermione and Ron rushed off towards the Chamber of Secrets to get a way to destroy a horcrux. As each hour passed, it seemed more real as Terence stood by his side. Was this his way of being able to save him and who knows how many others? He couldn't count how many times he had already witnessed him dying. He didn't think his heart could take seeing another.

But he knew that this meant that he would need to lose him on the way to the Room of Requirement. And he already knew where the diadem was.

That didn't stop the scenes from flashing in his mind. He tried to block out the image of Terence dead in his arms. He could prevent that; he knew he could. And he rather not have the flood gates of tears broken again.

But there had been so many times… even occasions where he had died and once again woken up in that tent.

Did that mean that he couldn't die? Or was he supposed to die in that forest to get rid of that horcrux? He honestly didn't know. But he knew that he wanted the constant replays of death to stop.

The second time had been when Harry hadn't been paying attention and Terence took a stray Avada Kedavra for him. He had collapsed right there and cried over his body until he woke up again.

The third time had been by the same collapsing wall that had killed Fred Weasley, his best friend's older brother. That had happened in the other two times he had lived through this. He cradled his crushed form into his arms. He knew that his body had been crushed and was covered in blood. But he didn't care. He could feel the grief start to overwhelm him. How many times was he going to have to go through with this?

The fourth time, Terence had been tortured personally by Death Eaters. Known as the traitorous Slytherin. All Harry could remember from that was his screaming. And he couldn't even get to Terence to help him. He had thought he would run out of tears by that point, apparently not. Why did it have to be Terence? Why couldn't that have been him? He had never wanted him to get hurt and now this…

He tried to forcefully push the memory out of mind of the fifth time he appeared in that tent. The fourth one was painful enough, but this had been much worse. The blast from Harry's magic was enormous. He didn't even care if Greyback died from that blast as he went out that window. Why did he have to go through with this?

What Harry didn't realize was the excess of magic he released had wound up killing the Death Eaters in his proximity. Not that he would care at the moment, all of them could die if he was being completely serious. Because it was all Voldemort's fault that Terence was now dead, once again. How could he have lost track of him? Then he remembered… he had tried losing him.

Was there really a way to have Terence with him without him dying and having the day replay?

Hermione and Ron ducked, fearing the blast would hurt them. Their eyes widened at the display once they saw it went past them. Both of them were unsure what to say. What could you say when the one you loved had been salvaged by a rogue werewolf?

Harry couldn't wait till the day started over. But all he wanted was to be rid of that memory.

And then he wanted to take his words back when the sixth time rolled around. It reminded him too much of his sixth year when he had used Snape's own spell. He didn't think anyone else, but Snape knew that spell. Though it was more like a curse. He was too far to yell at Terence to warn him. There was no way he could hear him over the battle. If he had been close enough, he would have tried to dive at him. He ran. And for the first time he actually cast a forgivable at someone and meant it. He didn't count Bellatrix in his fifth year.

There was blood everywhere, it was coming from Terence.

"Harry… don't…" Terence choked out.

Harry reluctantly lowered his wand before dropping to his knees. "Why? You're dying because of him…"

Terence trailed a hand up to touch Harry's face, "you're not a killer… you never were. Don't become them, it'll tear you apart."

Harry leaned into his touch and didn't care if he was covered in blood.

"And you dying won't?"

Terence looked pained at that, despite his deep wounds, "I rather die protecting you. Like I always have."

Harry could feel the tears falling down his face once more, "Not at the cost of your life…"

"Yes… even then. Because you're worth it. And that's why I love you."

He started to cry over his body. Never before had Harry wanted to have the counter for that curse as badly as he did in that moment. It almost didn't feel fair that Malfoy had lived through that and now Terence was dying in his arms. He knew where he would be the next time that he died, he would be in that tent. He wasn't sure if he could go through this again. Just for time and time again to watch as Terence died. Voldemort could have his war as long as Terence lived.

But there he was, trying to get as close as he could to Terence as he slowly died from blood loss. He had never felt so helpless. He didn't even care if a Death Eater came across them and killed him. No prying would get him away from Terence. Even if he died, he would still be left with the memories. Could he do this another time? He didn't think he could…

Maybe he should try something new.

* * *

Harry's eyes fluttered open. He could see the familiar walls of the tent. That meant he had been killed again. His eyes immediately searched out Terence, he was still asleep. Could he really do this again? His heart hurt so much already, it felt broken.

He slowly inspected himself, he was no longer covered in blood, Terence's blood. The tears already started to prickle at his eyes.

Could he really tell him? He wanted to so badly and get out of this loop. Maybe that way Terence could look after himself without risking death. But he had died so many times already. There was no way that Harry could deal with one more. He might actually break. That is if he hadn't already.

Harry didn't realize he had been so long in thought until he felt a familiar touch. He looked up into those eyes he loved so much.

"Something is troubling you… Is it about Hogwarts?"

Harry could feel a tear fall down his cheek.

Terence reached out a hand and wiped it away.

"Something is bothering you," he stated it like it was a fact. Which to him, it probably was.

"I—" Harry started to say before he cut himself off. How was he supposed to word this, so he didn't sound crazy?

"Harry, are you ready?" Hermione called out.

She couldn't see the glare that was aimed at her by Terence.

Was Harry ready for this? He didn't think he was. All today meant was that there would be another death he would witness. He could already feel his stomach protesting, but he already knew nothing would come up.

Terence brushed a finger across his cheek, "we're going to talk about this."

All Harry could manage was a nod. He was already terrified of that. Would Terence even believe him?

The route towards Hogsmeade already felt routine. How many times had he done this? Six? Seven? Or was it more? Harry couldn't really remember, and he didn't think he wanted to. Remembering required recalling memories, memories that he wanted to forget. Though he held extra tight to Terence. Any risk of him out of his sight, was a risk of him being dead.

* * *

"Will you be okay?" Hermione asked.

Harry nodded numbly.

"We'll meet you back here soon, since we don't know where the sword is now. The fangs are our only option," Hermione said.

Once Hermione and Ron were out of sight, Terence questioned him.

"What's bothering you? It's not just about these horcruxes…" Terence asked.

Harry hugged him tight and started sobbing into his robes.

Terence blinked at him shocked. He didn't hesitate to wrap his around the small Gryffindor. He slowly waited for him to calm back down. He didn't know what was happening, but he needed to find out.

"I really am going to need an explain now. But are you okay?"

Then the dam of emotions broke. Harry started explaining where he kept living this day over and over. He didn't try to explain how he saw him die. He didn't think he could recount that. It was already horrible enough in his memories. To be able to put it into words was unthinkable.

Terence pulled him into a fierce kiss. Not caring that a war was about to start.

"I am not going to try to imagine what that must have felt like living through that again and again. And I don't intend for either of us to die this time around. But know this, I have never met a braver Gryffindor. You can do this, for both of us," Terence smiled at him.

Harry could actually feel hope for the first time in a long time. He leaned back up and met Terence's lips once more. If he was going to do this again. He wanted Terence's lips memorized.

* * *

Harry knew that they could miss the encounter with Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle if they went to the diadem first. He had learned that the second time he had gone through this. That he had been thankful for. And he knew by now that Hermione and Ron would have destroyed the cup during their time in the Chamber.

So, the only thing they needed to do was to find the snake. If they could catch her before she left back with Voldemort. Maybe there was a chance to kill her. And that chance was taken at the boat house, the same place where Professor Snape died.

And with a carefully placed severing hex, Nagini vanished in black smoke. Terence could only hope that Professor Snape would escape with his life intact. He didn't hesitate to grab Harry's hand and run back towards where the battle had started. He knew that Voldemort had already called his forces back. That madman was hoping that his boyfriend would surrender himself.

Then Harry knew he had to face the hardest part. Thanks to one of the lives he had already lived, he knew what was in Professor Snape's memories. This was the last horcrux, could he really do to Terence what he had been through already? He had been through that heartache and pain. But he had to tell him. He didn't want him to die.

"You're not going!" Terence protested.

"It's the only way to win this war!"

"Harry… I'm not as strong as you… do you really think I can stand the fact that you are going there willingly to die?"

Harry hated the way that Terence's voice had choked on his words. His boyfriend was near tears. He had witnessed him crying once and that was when he had almost died in his fifth year. The blood quill Umbridge had him using constantly was draining him of blood.

Harry leaned up to kiss his lips, "I know you are. You know I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't have a choice. And there is a chance I'll make it. You have always protected me. Now let me protect you."

Terence's lips were hot on his own. It was a desperate kiss. As if it was going to be their last. And there was a high chance that it was. But Harry felt if this didn't work. He could always try again. But he really hoped that it did.

* * *

Harry felt like a previous life of his was repeating. Terence was screaming. But it wasn't in pain from being under the Cruciatus Curse. This was from pure agony and pain. Harry knew if he opened his eyes, he would see his boyfriend crying.

He hated that he was putting Terence through this. But he still had to wait until Voldemort was caught unaware.

Then he heard it.

It was from Neville. It caused a reaction from the entire student body that wasn't on Voldemort's side. Then his sudden movement created an applause and cheers.

All of a sudden Harry saw a flash of green. He instinctively ducked to the ground despite it wasn't anywhere near him. But he did see who the unfortunate target was.

Voldemort fell over dead.

Harry unsteadily got to his feet and knew instantly who it was.

Terence lowered his wand, his eyes blazed with rage. His eyes immediately sought out a pair of green ones.

Harry didn't wait, he crashed into him.

Terence let his arms wrap around Harry's waist as they kissed.

"Next time you do that, I'll kill you myself," the Slytherin threatened before kissing him again.

When they broke apart, Harry could tell that Terence's eyes were a bit red. He knew what Terence must have felt. Because he had felt it multiple times. But he never wanted to hear that sound from Terence again.

He just hoped that when he went to sleep, he woke up on the next day. But at least for now, he let himself be surrounded by the warmth of Terence's arms.

If Harry looked back at the castle, he would have noticed that it had a lot less damage and destruction than those last few times. He could have seen Fred joking around with his twin brother. Harry hadn't thought about how many more people was still alive. And for that he was slightly thankful. But it all seemed minor compared to Terence. He had never been more thankful to have fallen for him three years ago.

And when Harry woke up the next morning. For once it wasn't to the wall of the tent. But the familiar walls of Terence's home. Later they would look at Harry's memories. And somehow, those memories didn't seem so bad when the real thing was right next to him.


End file.
